


of bookstores and bridges

by whim4short



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: AU, Angst, Kuroo to the rescue, M/M, Oblivious Bokuto, Open Ending, bookstore owner akaashi, is this even a makeup fic?, sad akaashi for most of it sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-14 21:08:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28927071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whim4short/pseuds/whim4short
Summary: Every couple of nights or so, Akaashi dreams that he’s standing on the edge of a bridge. The bridge itself is red, or maybe green, and Akaashi’s fingers slip across the railing without ever being able to latch on. He knows how this story goes; knows what happens when you fall and no one’s there to catch you.By the time Bokuto actually does come back, Akaashi’s convinced himself that his boyfriend was a complete figment of his imagination.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Comments: 2
Kudos: 15





	of bookstores and bridges

Akaashi figures that the worst part about the situation is that he had been in love.

Well, technically. He tries to deny it, when that face and that name and that voice won’t let him sleep for the third time that night, that he had actually been in love, tries to claim that six months is a not enough time to know someone, much less to know if you can love them, and that _he_ didn’t give Akaashi much to love in the first place-

But he can’t deny that _I love yous_ were shared. Whether they were quick, spur of the moment words that got lost as the heat built between them, or desperate things that really meant _stay_ or _wait_ or _please don’t leave again_ , they were said, and said again, and said a third time.

The thing is, Akaashi had never felt the way he felt about _him_ with anyone else before. The feeling was exhilarating; it would zip up his spine and make him walk taller, or pool in the bottom of his gut and make him feel like he was teetering on the edge of a bridge. It was strange and overwhelming and _terrifying_. It had made Akaashi hesitate, to push against the part of him that wanted to go all in, but _he_ had just looked at him and given him that smile that asked oh so simply, _dontcha trust me?_

And he had. 

So Akaashi let himself get swept up in the I love yous and the laughter and the feeling of wind whipping through his hair from his perch on the bridge. He didn’t dare look down, didn’t notice the waters turning dark and choppy below, or the way _he_ would barely talk about his family or where exactly he was going on his business trips.

Six months is not enough time to love someone. And it isn’t nearly enough time to get them to stay, either. 

***

“Soooo…” Suga starts the same way he starts every time he comes by the bookstore with Akaashi’s order from the cafe down the street. Suga pushes the tea across the counter with a hopeful smile. Akaashi hates to be the one to burst his bubble.

“I stopped looking for him, Sugawara-san.” Akaashi says without looking up from his computer. He’s not doing anything fairly interesting, but he knows his current inventory sheet is easier to look at than his friend’s disappointed face. 

“And you haven’t heard anything from him? No text, call, anything?”

“His phone was disconnected a month ago.”

“That doesn’t mean you have to give up!” 

Akaashi hates having this conversation. He hates how he’s had it at least twice a week for two months now, hates how it always threatens to fill him with just enough hope to look again. He reminds himself that he’s left no stone unturned multiple times now. 

Akaashi sighs and takes a sip from his tea. It’s gone cold already. “All I had was the number. I never found him on social media, or met his friends, or saw where he grew up. I didn’t even get _his full name_ . I just-” Akaashi pulls his glasses off to rub at his eyes. The dull throb behind them lets him know that it’s going to be another long day. “I don’t want to _give up_ , but I don’t think I’m left with much of a choice. Some people just don’t want to be found.”

Suga huffs at that. “That’s ridiculous. You guys were _great_. Nauseatingly so. It was hard to watch, sometimes.” Suga shudders as if recalling a flashback, and Akaashi rolls his eyes. “There’s no reason for him to just- to just up and _leave_. And with no explanation, and now no way to reach him? No way.” Suga says definitively, shaking his head. “There’s just no way.”

“Some people don’t need a reason.” Akaashi shrugs, wanting more than anything to be done with this conversation. He already lost sleep to this last night, the last thing he needs is for it to distract him from his work. He has inventory he needs to finish and stock in the back that needs to be-

“...and if he _ever_ has the nerve to come back, I’m kicking his ass.” Akaashi barely catches the last of what looked like an impassioned speech, but it makes him smile nonetheless.

“Thank you, Sugawara-san.” Akaashi says, and he means it. Suga smiles and uses his own coffee cup to gesture around the bookstore.

“The shop looks great. Don’t get too comfortable behind your desk today, though. I see some shelves that could use an extra dusting.”

“And do I ever tell you how to run your classroom?” Akaashi mutters, grabbing his dust rag with a huff.

***

_Every couple of nights or so, Akaashi dreams that he’s standing on the edge of a bridge. The bridge itself is red, or maybe green, and Akaashi’s fingers slip across the railing without ever being able to latch on. The wind is making a mess of his hair, and the familiar feeling is back in the bottom of his stomach. The water below promises anything but a soft landing, but Akaashi is unafraid. He knows how this story goes; knows what happens when you fall and no one’s there to catch you._

_He lets himself lean forward anyways, closes his eyes against the smells of sea foam and metal. No matter how long he stays on the bridge, he always gives into the urge of meeting the ocean below. He opens his eyes at the last second and the water looks almost welcoming, if he could just-_

His eyes snap open before he hits the water’s surface like always. He has to remind himself that he’s not falling, not anymore, and stop himself from reaching for his phone or the body that promised to be laying next to him. 

***

His conversation with Suga makes him call the number again despite himself. 

He’s pacing the living room of his apartment when he finally decides to give in and call. He brings the phone to his ear and mutters _please_ under his breath like he does every time he dials the number. He doesn’t know what he’s hoping will happen anymore.

_“We’re sorry, you have reached a number that has been disconnected or is no longer in service.”_

Akaashi hangs up before he can hear the soft _click_ on the other end. Part of him longs to hear the _hey, hey, hey!_ of Bokuto’s customized voicemail, but then he would’ve done something stupid like leave another long winded message filled with _where are you_ and _why haven’t you called me back_ and _I’m sorry I wasn’t good enough to make you stay_ just to be cut off and asked to leave another one. He stares at the dumb owl emoji next to Bokuto’s contact name and considers deleting the number. He knows that he memorized it long enough ago that it won’t matter.

_Some people don’t want to be found_ , Akaashi reminds himself. He deletes the number off of his phone and hopes his mind follows suit.

***

_They had met in the bookstore, of all places._

_Akaashi had been restocking the poetry section, deep enough into the store that he couldn’t be seen from the glass windows and door at the front, but close enough to unlock the door when he opened in about 15 minutes._

_He heard the bell over the door jingle and frowned. Either Suga forgot something when he came to drop Akaashi’s tea off, or he forgot to lock it back behind him and-_

_“Sorry, we’re closed for another fifteen minutes.” Akaashi said politely, rounding the corner of the shelf. He’s met with a man who looks like he got caught with his hand in the cookie jar; all wide golden eyes and hair that seemed to be sticking up in surprise._

_“Sorry! I thought you- the door was- I’m looking for a book!” The man finished. Akaashi raised his eyebrows._

_“You’ll have to look for the book in-” he checked his watch, “-thirteen minutes.”_

_The man in front of him frowned. “I have a flight in less than an hour and I really want a book to read on the plane and I’m already late getting to the airport! Could you help me out, just this once? Pleeeease?”_

_“I don’t really-”_

_“Pleeeeeeeease?”_

_“Fine.” Akaashi removed his glasses and rubbed his eyes, eyebrows knitting together when the man in front of him shouted happily. “What book are you looking for?”_

_“I’m not sure. What do you recommend?”_

_Akaashi had sighed, quickly checking out a semi-popular adult fiction book and wishing the man a safe trip. The man had made promises to return with a proper book review, and Akaashi had met him for lunch when he kept his word._

_And so was the start of Akaashi and Bokuto._

***

The sound of the store bell clinking against his shop door made Akaashi’s stomach swoop the first couple of weeks after Bokuto stopped returning his calls. Part of him thought Bokuto would come walking back into the shop with an explanation, or an apology, or worse yet, perusing the aisles like nothing ever happened. As time stretched on, he stopped imagining different scenarios and just hoped that at least _one_ of them would come true, returning a man to his life that essentially disappeared without a trace. 

None of them ever did, of course, and as weeks continued to pass, the soft clinking of the bell returned to nothing more than a bell as Akaashi tried to return to the Akaashi he used to be. He wasn’t sure if it was possible, but he figured he didn’t have much of a choice on the matter.

By the time Bokuto actually does come back into the bookstore, Akaashi’s convinced himself that his boyfriend (ex-boyfriend? Are they technically exes if they never broke up?) was a complete figment of his imagination. 

The bell chimes as it always does, and Akaashi is halfway through his standard greeting when he recognizes the voice. 

“-yeah, I know, I just want to see if they have it! It’ll only take a minute!” Bokuto says with a smile. A tall man is walking in after him, looking to all the world like he’d rather they be anywhere but there. Akaashi shares the sentiment.

Bokuto notices Akaashi sitting behind the front desk and aims a smile in his direction. If Akaashi’s brain was still online he would’ve noticed the slight limp that definitely wasn’t there the last time he saw him.

“Heya! I’m looking for a book and I was hoping you’d have it. It’s gonna sound funny, but I don’t remember if I _actually_ read it or not, so I was hoping to get a new copy.” Bokuto says, tapping through his phone like Akaashi hasn’t been trying to reach him on that damn thing for _months_. 

“Ah, here it is. Do you have this?” Bokuto holds up an image of an adult fiction novel. Akaashi remembers it because it was a popular pick for a while and also because he gave that book to Bokuto 8 months ago.

_What the fuck is going on?_

Akaashi stares at him, not really believing that it’s really _Bokuto_ in front of him, and Bokuto just- just looks at him. Looks at him like he’s the owner of a bookstore he’s visiting for the first time, not the man he was serenading and texting everyday and laying with every evening. 

The man that came with him pulls Bokuto away from the desk and steers him in the direction of the fiction aisle. “Try checking there, buddy. I have to ask him about something I’m looking for.”

“I was talking to him first!” Bokuto protests, already making his way across the store.

Once Bokuto is out of sight, the man turns back to the front desk. “Akaashi, right? Bokuto talked about you. I don’t know if ever mentioned me, but-”

_“What the fuck is going on?”_ Akaashi hisses. He feels like his head is spinning, and his stomach is trying to swoop uncomfortably out of his ass.

The man on the other side of the counter winces. “So, uh, there was an accident. About...two months ago now. His car got hit by a truck after a volleyball tournament overseas. His body was able to recover, but his head was hit pretty bad. No lasting damage, but the doctors said he lost about a year of memory. So much so that he knows about the accident, but he doesn’t remember what exactly happened.”

Akaashi stares. Part of him wants to believe it’s not true, that this is all some elaborate plan to make Bokuto seem like less of an asshole for abandoning him, but he remembers the way he looked at him with absolutely no recognition.

He can hear Bokuto whistling in the fiction aisle. He feels like he’s going to pass out.

“I tried to get ahold of you beforehand, but our only way to reach you was through Bokuto’s phone, and with it smashed in the accident and him not able to remember the password anyway, he decided to get a new one.”

Akaashi’s expression must reflect the absolute mindfuck he’s experiencing, because the other man sighs and rips a corner off of the register receipt paper. “I know it’s a lot to take in at once. Here’s my number, text me if you have any questions and I’ll try to clear it up.” The man slides the paper back across the counter before disappearing towards the back of the store.

Akaashi stares at the paper and doesn’t hear the men leave. The name _Kuroo Tetsuro_ stares back at him.

He saves the number and closes the shop early.

***

Akaashi can’t sleep. 

He’s been staring at the ceiling of his bedroom for hours, hoping that the stress of today’s events would let him rest, but he’s found himself more wound up than ever. 

Bokuto came to his shop.

He grabs his phone and looks at the newest contact. He tries to reason that it’s too late in the night to contact someone, but he might be up, right? Worst case scenario is he wakes him up or doesn’t get a reply until morning.

Bokuto _came to his shop._

He starts typing.

**To: Kuroo-san**

**>** How long did it take Bokuto-san to recover?

He stares at his phone for a moment after sending it, hastily adding _\- Akaashi Keiji_ in a second message. He jumps when a typing bubble appears.

**From: Kuroo-san**

**>** some things hes still healing from. he just got out of a cast on his ankle the other week. they spent a couple months tryna get his memories back but nothing >.<

Akaashi squints at the emoticon for a moment before responding.

**To: Kuroo-san**

**> **What’s the earliest thing he remembers? 

**From: Kuroo-san**

**> **his 23rd bday. he thought it was funny that he barely remembers turning 23 and now hes about 2 turn 24.

Akaashi stares at the message. They didn’t meet until months after Bokuto’s 23rd birthday. Bokuto had made Akaashi promise that he’d spend his next birthday with him to make up for it.

Akaashi turns his phone off and tries to get some sleep.

He’s grateful that for once he doesn’t dream about bridges and violent ocean waters. 

***

“He wanted us to meet eventually, you know.” Kuroo says casually, like that single sentence doesn’t have the power to flip Akaashi’s entire world on its head.

He’s found his way back to the bookstore, glancing his way down the aisles the way people do when they’re not looking to buy anything. He has a random non-fiction book in his hand, and flips through it as he speaks. 

Akaashi stops to stare at Kuroo from the counter. “What did you just say?”

Kuroo shrugs without looking up. “He talked about you all the time. He just didn’t know when to introduce you to everyone.”

“He never told me he played volleyball.” Akaashi says in response. Kuroo glances up at him. He doesn’t look surprised. “He mentioned that he used to in high school, but I didn’t know that’s what he _does_.”

Kuroo snaps the book closed and slides on to the shelf. “He mentioned that he hadn’t told you. He thought you’d want to be with someone with an office job, maybe a personal business. Not an athlete.”

“I wanted to be with Bokuto-san because he’s Bokuto-san.” The words hurt to say now, but that doesn’t make them less true. “Nothing else.”

“I know. I think part of him knew that, too.”

Kuroo makes his way to the front counter and sighs. “The doctors said not to try and make him remember anything he could’ve forgotten. Like, don’t go shoving old pictures in his face or anything.” He pauses and Akaashi finds himself holding his breath.

“But if you want, and most importantly, if he wants there to be something between you two, then just treat it like a new relationship, okay? Though I’m not looking forward to him yapping my ear off about you again.”

Akaashi barely hears him over the thoughts and questions and _what ifs_ racing through his head. He nods absently, listening for the _clink_ of Kuroo leaving before leaning against the counter.

So now he just has to wait for Bokuto to want to see him again. _If_ he wants to see him again.

_Great_. 

***

Bokuto doesn’t come back to the store. To say Akaashi is nervous is an understatement.

**To: Kuroo-san**

**> **Is Bokuto-san recovering well?

Akaashi knows it’s an impulsive text, but the man who upended his life six months ago - almost seven now - just rolled back into it like a tornado and Akaashi has absolutely _nothing_ to show for it.

He receives three texts in a row while he’s ringing out customers.

**From: Kuroo-san**

**> **if ur asking if he is going out to places yes he is 

**From: Kuroo-san**

**> **idk if/when hes coming back 2 the bookstore tho :/

**From: Kuroo-san**

**> **maybe you should run a special like a book giveaway :P

Akaashi frowns at the... _special_ way Kuroo texts. 

“Heya! Just wanna check out this book, pleeease.”

Akaashi snaps his head up and almost swipes his phone off the counter.

“Sure.” He says evenly, trying to ignore the blood pounding in his ears. “Good choice, this book has been fairly popular.”

“Well, I’ll be the judge of that!” Bokuto smiles, puffing out his chest. Akaashi’s chest tightens at the familiarity of it. He prays his smile looks somewhat professional.

The transaction is over far too soon and Bokuto’s taking his bag, about to leave the store again for who knows how long, and Akaashi needs something, _anything_ to keep him here longer or at least make sure he comes back-

“Let me know how you like it, okay?” Akaashi urges, almost stumbling over his words with how fast he tries to get them out. Bokuto beams at him and Akaashi realizes how badly he’s missed it.

“Of course! I’ll come back and give you a full book review!”

“Are you sure? You can only say that if you actually mean it.” _God, I hope you mean it._

“I _promise_. I’ll be back soon!”

And Akaashi trusts him again.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!! This is my first bokuaka fic so comments are definitely appreciated! I imagine an epilogue where Akaashi fully explains the *extent* to which they knew each other before the accident, but will I write it? We’ll see >:)
> 
> Bookstore owner Akaashi and Akaashi and Suga being friends was definitely self indulgence but I hope you enjoyed it!
> 
> [come say hi on twitter!](https://mobile.twitter.com/whim4short)


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